At the end of January I started writing in a journal again, I figured that I would just post here what I had written so far... [From January 26th to today!]
Mary showed me a note that Marielle had written on Facebook, publicly aplogizing to Joey. Really? He seems so controlling to me, I wish that I could reverse time and make so they had never met. It is so hard to see someone who has been your best friend since you were six, have their lives go completely down the tube. Within nine months she is pregnant and married? Talk about moving fast! But if there is one thing that I have learned from dealing with my mom all these years, it's that you cannot help someone who doesn't want to me helped. Dammit.
Went to go and see my Omi and Opa tonight, I can't remember the last time I saw them. Omi doesn't look very healthy and I don't think Opa is giving her all the care she needs. Dad is stressing about it alot and he is very angry towards Opa. On the other hand, Omi is german, which means stubborn and she is holding her own. As we were leaving I called out, "Love you guys," and Omi actually said she loved me back! She never tells me that so it made me happy to hear it.
I am leaving Dads house tomorrow and going back home. Iris has a hair appointment in North Vancouver so I'm going to meet up with her when she's done and make our way back to Maple Ridge together. Later!
Just woke up and it is a beautiful sunny day! Had some dreams that made me feel kind of sad. I am glad the weather is nice so I don't get soaked on my way home. 3 hours of bus riding here I come...
/Since you have changed, the World is missing out on a beautiful person/
/As we get older our emotions grow colder/
Had to work today, it was pretty busy so the time flew. Had to stay till 4:15 because Aman had guests over. Now I am on the computer feeling very tired!
Picked up my highschool Diploma ( about time!)! I know I graduated but seeing the proof of it made me so happy.
Haven't written for a few days! On Saturday I went up to Whistler with Wilf, Iris and Wamblee. It was pretty fun, Iris bought me a cute new touque, perfect for dogsledding! Wamblee got some new things too, including cool new checkered snowboard goggles. Went to the Spaghetti Factory for dinner, had a "factory" sized strawberry margaritta, which was ginormous so I gave most of it to Wamblee! After dinner we walked over to the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Shop to get some candied apples ( and maybe some fudge for me... just don't tell my thighs please!). One of the girls from 'Peak Season' works there and she is the one that served us! I was a little starstruck but I played it cool. hehe yeah right, me? Cool? Anyways.. once we got home Wamblee left to go to a party and I stayed home because I had to wake up at a decent time for work the next day. Today I woke up late and Gwen picked me up when she was off work. We made home made tomato sauce and fed dogs together. I had a really good night with her. Iris wants to go to Vancouver tomorrow but I am not so big on the idea seeing as I will be there on Wednesday as well, meeting up with my mom. Going to go play solitaire, wash my face, read my book, then probably head to bed.. sounds relaxing. :)
/Missing Mac and Kingnathan, can't help but think of them everytime I see Kit Kat./
Didn't go to Vancouver today, it was nice to have a home day where I had nothing to do but veg. Have to wake up at 6:45 tomorrow so I can be ready to catch a ride with Tyler on his way to work. Meeting my mom at Metro Town Skytrain Station at tenish. I'm buying lunch even though I am the one trying to save up for school...
Had a great day with my mom today! I was twenty minutes late to meet her because as I was waiting at the bus stop on 203rd a kid that was in my writing class in highschool ( I think his name is Zan?) got off a bus and started talking to me. As we were seated on the bench having a conversation, my bus drove right by me! He felt so bad, I thought it was funny. Once I had met up with my Mom we continued on the Skytrain to Granville. We played tourist in our own town, it was so fun! We took pictures at the museum and Robson Square Ice Rink and had a great lunch at the Mongolie BBQ on Davie Street. Olympic preparations were everywhere, the atmosphere was contagious, you couldn't help but be excited! It was so refreshing to have a normal, fun day with my mom. It reminded me how good our lives were before addiction came along... Too tired now to write any more but I may have a job in March working as a Dog Handler for a Coors Light Commercial, is that cool or what!
Work yesterday, wasn't very exciting. I stayed for an extra half an hour trying to teach the owners six month German Sheppard how to walk with a choke chain. Today I woke up a decent time and grabbed some breakfast with Wilf and Iris at Denny's. When we were done we went to Burnaby to pick up the beautiful glass tiles we had ordered for the kitchen downstairs. I feelweird today, not sure what's up with me. It may have to do with the fact that my birthday is in 6 days. I am not excited because I feel like I haven't accomplished anything this year. :(
Hanging with Willow (next door neighbours dog), he always cheers me up!
Thinking about Kevin alot today, the day his body was founds keeps running through my head..
Woke up to the sound of my phone ringing.
"Where's your mom?"
"Kevin is dead."
Ring, Ring, Ring.
"Kevin killed himself."
It seemed like her crying went on forever, I had no patience for it.
"Mom, I have to go." Click.
I washed my face, at the time it seemed important.
Grabbed my sunglasses and started walking. It was a beautiful sunny day. One of the worst days.
Passed by an old man checking his mail with his small dog.
"Good morning! How are you?"
I continue walking.
I get to the building, the police and coroner are there. I start heading to the apartment. I am crying.
Hands grab me and make me sit down.
I always thought something inside you would know when someone you loved died.
"I need to see him." I feel like I am in a bad dream.
I wasn't allowed to see him. They had found him dead in the bedroom.
I hear a door open, close.
The sounds of footsteps on the concrete hallway.
Everyone tries to make me leave. Who are these people? Wish they would go away.
The gurney turns the corner by the elevator.
A white sheet covering a familiar face and large feet. Size thirteen if I remember correctly.
My being changes. My hope shatters.
I am dead. I am dead.
I will try to make you proud.
I wish you had been at my birthday, I wanted you to meet my Dad.
Wanted my Mom and Dad at the same table, too much to ask I guess..
Karl was out drinking last night with some friends and he didn't go home. Mom would be understandably angry. She has been gone all day and she hasn't called. I am worried. It is past midnight and I need to get to sleep, work tomorrow.
Mom is okay. She was at Gary's house, in Maple Ridge! Why wouldn't she call me if she was only a five minute drive away? I am tired of feeling like her parent! On a happier note I woke up at five today and saw the Olympic torch go through Maple Ridge! Once in a lifetime experience! VERY cool :) !